The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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