on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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