dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
