i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
