At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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