beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize