My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
