Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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