i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
