I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How does it feel to date your dad?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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