Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I love you. Go after that dick
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
