Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
