Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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