Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
