I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize