Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
