Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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