why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
