dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
