One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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