i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
