The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
