So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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