Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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