So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
