i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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