i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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