I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
