one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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