its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
