youre lurking in front of me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
