problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
