It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
