he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
