he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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