***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
