the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He passed out mid-signature
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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