no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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