in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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