The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
