U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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