bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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