i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Im part way to drunk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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