Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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