Define "chronic" masturbator.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
