I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
