I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
