Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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