lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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