I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
im on a boat
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