My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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