he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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