Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
