im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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