Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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