why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
