i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't deserve a penis
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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