Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
