The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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