My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize