if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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