I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
