New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
