I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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