we have pet lesbian snakes
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there was a trapeze. enough said
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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